How do we navigate through the monumental loss of a loved one?
Where do our souls go when we die?
On March 22, 2020, my precious mother took her final breath. A phenomenal woman who devoted her whole life to her family, my mother was a guiding star, her legacy of unconditional love woven into the fabric of our lives.
At 84 and suffering with cancer for the past three years, she told me she was ready to go, the words that I had been expecting with dread and sorrow.
And so I tried to prepare myself for the unchartered territory of a life without her.
But when that day came, the reality of living without her hit me like a tidal wave, carrying me into the undertow of grief.
The days that followed my mother’s departure were a blur of numbness and devastation, as I desperately searched to understand where she had gone.
The magnitude of my grief was such a crushing force I could only surrender to it.
But with this surrender, a quest was set into motion, as I set sail on a journey to find my mother, her spirit, her soul…whatever form she was now in.
And what I learned from this monumental event cracked open my perception, unleashing a flood of truth that transcended the limits of reality.
My search for my mother began with two questions:
"Can we only understand through the conditioning of our minds?
Are we truly confined by logic, or are we capable of more? "
Through my grief I found the answers to these questions.
Grief has a peculiar way of opening our hearts and minds.
The experience of profound loss ignited a major shift in my cognitive and emotional processing. This heightened state of emotional vulnerability expanded my perception to a realization beyond words.
And with this expansion, I was equipped to to find my mother.
I began my search, knowing that I had to go far out of the confines of my conditioned beliefs and perceptions and into the great unknown
where the true essence of love transcends all form.
I had no expectations of what I would find,
only trust in something far beyond everything I was ever taught.
And so with this trust, I leapt into the void.
How does one describe something that is so far beyond words, yet so profoundly magnificent? ...Like our search for God itself, we just keep trying.
What I found defies all notions of the reality I once knew, a reality that is so profound I can only try to convey it in this cinematic art, because nothing can fully express the essence of this magnificent experience.
I share this with anyone who is questioning why they are here...who is God and how do we navigate through the inevitable losses and sadness throughout our lives?
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Film Clips by Footage Firm Inc.
Music: Wait For Me by Anita Tatlow
Missing You by Jason Donnelly Separation by Adrian Berenguer
Stay Forever by Ananda Kong
Quote on stairs: THE PSYCHEDELIC EXPERIENCE A manual based on THE TIBETAN BOOK OF THE DEAD, by Timothy Leary, Ralph Metzner & Richard Alpert
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